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Routines & Goals: Toileting “Inchstones”Hi, my name is Chayah Lichtig. I am the occupational therapy consultant and Director of the Vermont Continence Project. In this video “Ready, Set, Toilet” I’m going to introduce the phases of the toileting process from the beginning to — we hope — its conclusion. This video is in part a guide to our other content and explains where it fits in the process.
People ask us often whether or not a specific child is ready for the toilet. Most of the time we do see that people look for certain signs of readiness; maybe it’s because their child is doing certain skills, or they’re a certain age, or you might be wondering because your child is entering a program where or they’ve asked for your child to be toilet trained.
We’re inviting you to imagine the progression of toileting skills as a journey with four overlapping phases. The journey starts with giving your child skills and information that help them be more successful and independent. Those stages are Toilet Teaching and Toilet Readiness. This video is going to cover those first two phases in more detail. Then we go on to phase three, Toilet Training, and finally there’s that lifelong fourth phase: Continence. It’s an ongoing process for your child to become more independent and more consistent with their toilet use.
You’ll notice that rarely in our videos do I mention durations or ages that’s because this process is highly personal, and we’d rather you focus on what you see in front of you from your child instead of deadlines.
You might be wondering: “can we just talk about potty training already?!” And you’ll notice that this video and almost all of our content cover those first two stages toilet learning and toilet readiness. This is not an accident (no pun intended); this is intentional. If you’re a parent and you’re just starting on the toilet journey, a thorough preparation sets the stage for an easier toilet training process, and if you’re coming to this program because you’ve been working unsuccessfully on continence with your child for some time, I would guess you have already spent plenty of time potty training. We’re suggesting that you go slow to go fast, by which I mean take some time to make sure that you set a solid foundation for your plan.
o, phase one toilet learning: it’s when a child learns about body functions, what we do on the toilet, and toilet learning lasts months or even years. It’s something that often starts pretty naturally when your child is a curious toddler.
This comic, which I love, shows a parent sitting on the toilet with their child standing in front of them, and the parent’s word bubble says, “Watch me pee, child. Learn my ways, please.” And under the image, it says, “Parenting is weird.”
So I’m here to remind you that for your child’s whole life, they’ve probably been using a diaper or a pull-up to pee and poop. Then we change the expectation and we tell them to use the toilet. For some children, that change might feel obvious, and for others, it might not. And whichever it is, remember that the way our culture—or your family—toilets is not intuitive or universal. It’s learned.
So while we know that everyone’s relationship to the bathroom and privacy is different, we really do suggest that children are able to see someone else use the toilet—especially a same-sex family member. Undressing, redressing, wiping, and handwashing, and announcing the urge to go—those are all part of it too.
We also suggest that you move all changes of diapers and pull-ups to the bathroom and put stool/poop into the toilet whenever it’s practical. It’s a natural way to teach that potty stuff happens in the bathroom and toilet stuff goes into the toilet.
In videos from our nurse, you’ll have learned that even continence is learned. Continence is the process of learning how to recognize sensations in your body, learning what they mean, and learning how to respond to them. Peeing or pooping on command isn’t something we’re born knowing, and it doesn’t all happen at once.
Also remember, of course, that if your child has any gastrointestinal, digestive, or urinary health issues, those can block that learning entirely. In our video, Teaching Your Child About Elimination, we discuss ways to help your child understand what is happening inside their body.
Toilet training readiness is when your child shows certain skills that make it possible for them to be toilet trained. Your child will likely work on these skills at the same time that they’re learning about toileting. Parents also have to be ready to toilet train, so there are some adult readiness skills listed here too.
On this slide, you’ll see a pretty typical list of toilet readiness indicators. These skills are what will help a child to achieve independence most easily, and they’re a great set of skills to work on with your child in preparation for toileting. However, if you have a child with a disability, I want to assure you that none of these are requirements for using the toilet. We know all sorts of adaptations are possible for a person’s individual needs or disability status.
Toilet interest is as important—or maybe more important—than the skills on the prior slide. If your child shows interest or even a neutral reaction to the toilet, underwear, or doing big kid stuff in the bathroom, you are on the right track. Make sure that you don’t move ahead if your child is showing warning signs in this area. Focus on teaching and creating positive associations with the toilet.
Lastly, consider your own readiness. You might remember in the welcome video that I mentioned that you are the most important player in this process. First, if you’re planning to have time without pull-ups or diapers, remember that we learn by practicing. More on that in another video, but practice involves mistakes—or yes, accidents. Consider rolling up the rugs and make a plan to go to the laundromat sooner than usual, and buy supplies.
Also, do you have the equipment and supplies that you need for your child to be successful? In future videos, I’m going to explain why secure and supportive seating really matters. And if you plan to implement any rewards or use other supplies in the bathroom, make sure you’ve planned that out too.
And finally, have you thought about how you’ll respond to your child’s accidents or refusal? Toilet training can be a huge stressor for parents. Please check out our content on power struggles and coping skills—also known as distress tolerance—and remember it’s important to make sure that you have space in your life for this commitment. Are you clear who you might need to ask for help, or what you might need to let go of?
If you’re making any big changes right now, like going through a move or a separation, that might be a reason to pause for a while. So, are you ready now? Spoiler alert: we do not expect the answer to be yes. And that’s why we created these videos.
By watching this video series, you’re part of a network of parents and caregivers who are doing their best and taking it step by step. And inch by inch, you’ll see that there’s an associated Ready, Set, Toilet! handout that has a list of all of the steps on these slides, and you can check them off as you go along. You can also feel free to preview planning content further down the line to plan your journey.
You’ve got this.
Thank you for your time.
The information contained in these videos is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider.
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